English8 Things Single Women Want Their Married Friends To Know
After my article on women without children in midlife went viral and I got several requests to write about single women in midlife, I wondered. Am I as inclusive as I think toward my single female friends? Am I making assumptions or being insensitive at times?
Canada Goose Online So I polled over a dozen of these women and got some pretty consistent feedback. Here is what single women want their married friends to know. Canada Goose Online
Canada Goose online Some daily tasks are just plain difficult when canada goose clearance you live on your own. Stephanie explains: “It is harder to get stuff done around the house; there’s just as much work but only one person. There’s no handy husband and you often run the risk of being ripped off by workmen you hire. When you have to move or lift things, you have to call someone for help. It has to be planned, not spontaneous. You also have to lean on friends for a ride to or from some doctors’ appointments a colonoscopy buddy.” Canada Goose online
canada goose uk black friday Single mothers in particular feel the weight of responsibility managing so much on their own: “A lot rides on https://www.canadagoose-jackets-online.com my shoulders. I’m worn out being the initiator in my business, in parenting, on the home front, and for the whole personal side of my life. Just too many decisions to make morning, noon, and night,” says Bonnie. canada goose uk black friday
canadian goose jacket Gertrude agrees, wishing she had a partner to lean on, “It would be nice if someone was waiting to see me at the end of the day, to give me that warm hug and to offer support when I am going through something.” Nights can be lonely: “You have a lot of lunches with married friends because dinner time is for their families. Sometimes that means you are home alone on a Saturday night, unless you have lots of single friends,” explains Stephanie. canadian goose jacket
canada goose Family members may have unfair expectations when it comes to their single middle aged relatives, especially when they don’t canada goose black friday sale have children, like Stephanie: “Even your parents treat you differently when you are single and childless, or at least mine do. Despite the fact that my parents are retired and in good health, they have always canada goose expected me to use my limited vacation time to travel to them Canada Goose Jackets for the holidays or other visits, even when I have had better accommodations for a Canada Goose online visitor than they do. I crave the opportunity to entertain my family in my house, to show them that I can cook, decorate for the holidays, and be a good hostess.” canada goose
Some, like Gertrude, resent the pity: “Holidays with the family have been awkward many times, especially when my young niece and nephews have their significant others with them. ‘Poor Auntie,’ still alone on the holiday they don’t say it, but I sense this is what they think.”
And traveling alone can be awkward. “I love to travel and many trips that I have gone on included couples. Some couples try to include me in events, but I do feel like the third wheel sometimes,” explains Gertrude. Tracy is lucky to have a travel companion but canada goose coats she gets grief for that: “My best friend and I have been accused of being lesbians because we don’t date, we take vacations together, and spend a lot of time together. I don’t get it. We enjoy each other’s company who else are we supposed to spend time with?”
2. Please include me in your social plans I promise, I won’t canada goose store “throw off” the balance
Navigating social occasions can be challenging, even demeaning at times. “I love being invited to go along with friends, whether they are couples or a group of people, but I find many people ‘count’ the group to make sure it is ‘even.’ Or they invite you and another single woman and seat you together as though the two women were a couple,” says Sue. “Others feel sorry for the single woman and always invite a single man to go along (rarely the right idea). I remember being invited to a wedding of a colleague and being seated with her grandparents and their friends because there were ‘no other single women there’ when I would have much preferred to be with young couples.”
Katie agrees, “I have a friend who always talks about how she and her husband and this couple and that couple went out for a fun evening. It reminds me that I don’t bring the requisite male to the mix, therefore mess up the balance.” Anne adds: “I usually enjoy your husbands, partners and wives, so when I say, ‘bring him or her,’ I mean it. Why can’t the three of us go to dinner?”
Canada Goose Jackets Stephanie has seen a difference in the way she’s been treated socially when she’s had a significant other: “I am used to going to events alone and being around lots of couples, so I would love to be included. I am not sure why inviting a single person is perceived as throwing off the party. And at times when I cheap Canada Goose have been in a relationship, it is amazing how much more I was included in social events.” Canada Goose Jackets
canada goose clearance Helaine, who has kids, felt the shift after her divorce, “What I don’t understand is how before we all had plans as a family, but now no. Since you’re not friends with my ex, why did you stop inviting canada goose outlet us over or accepting requests for family plans? Why can’t a married family still make plans with a divorced family?” canada goose clearance
Ellie yearns for inclusion: “I would rather be asked to the dinner party, gala, concert, etc. and go alone, than to find out later and have friends say, ‘it was all couples, and I thought you would be uncomfortable!'”
3. Girlfriends, know that I Canada Goose sale rely on your friendships
Time and again, single women describe the added importance of their female friendships in their lives. “I don’t need a partner to feel complete, but I do need my friends. Please know how important you are to me. I may seem fine living like a hermit, but having friends I can call at any time makes me feel buy canada goose jacket as though I’m not alone,” explains Anne.
Joanne is thrilled to have good friends: “I feel I hit the ‘girlfriends lottery’ because I was lucky enough to have friends who believed canada goose clearance sale friendships were important enough to maintain, even after they got married.” She cautions, “It’s never cool to drop your friends after you get married. When I hear about mature women who get a man and just drop their friends, it’s a tough pill for me to swallow. Now I have to admit that when I was in my early 20s, Canada Goose Outlet I thought I was in love and I neglected my best friend, Carol. Thank God Carol was still there when I came back, tail between my legs. She never said anything about it but I vowed that I would never drop a friend like that again.”
cheap canada goose uk Ellie has been on the receiving end of being dropped by married girlfriends in her case, after her divorce: “It hurt, a lot. It sucks to have women who were once your friends decide that you are suddenly the devil because you are not with their husband’s bestie. One of them actually told me that we could still canada goose deals be friends as long as I didn’t bring up all of the ‘garbage.’ That ‘garbage’ was my life! I told her to fuck off.” cheap canada goose uk
Canada Goose sale And when it comes to making new married friends, Sue is surprised at the attitude she sometimes encounters: “Some people think they have nothing in common with you because you have never been married, but some of my relationships have lasted longer than their marriages! It is so funny to me that my 9 to 10 year relationship doesn’t count but their 6 month marriage does or their serial marriages, in some cases!” Canada Goose sale
4. Just because I’m single and 50 doesn’t mean I’m desperate and will date anyone
canada goose factory sale Many, but not all, women who are single in midlife would like to be in a relationship and do enjoy dating. Sue describes “that wonderful feeling of first dates, that thrill of starting over.” But most of them say that dating in your 40s and later can be hard, that there are not that many eligible men who are a good match. canada goose factory sale
canada goose clearance sale Bonnie feels it’s particularly discouraging that “men my age want to date someone 10 to 20 years younger than them. What is going on? Are they for real? I want someone my age. I don’t want someone 10 to 20 years older than me.” canada goose clearance sale
uk canada goose outlet These women appreciate being set up by their friends but resent it when the bar is set too low. Stephanie explains, “They are anxious to match me up with someone they know, their only criteria being that he is also single no regard for my likes or dislikes. When I don’t act interested in the guy they describe as an alcoholic, someone who has weird social skills, the devoutly religious man of a different religion than mine, the guy who is nice but a little slow, or the one who poisons squirrels in his back yard, they think I am being picky. My well meaning elderly neighbor suggested that I should act dumb on the first few dates to attract a man, as I apparently scare them off with my immense intellect!” uk canada goose outlet
Canada Goose Parka Nicole agrees, “Just because I am not seeing someone does not mean I am desperate and will date just anyone. If I was not attracted to a type of guy before, what makes you think that will suddenly change just because I’m over 40?” She also wants to make sure married women understand that “as a single woman over 40 who lives alone and has no kids, canada goose coats on sale I still like sex!” Canada Goose Parka
canada goose uk shop And yes, like Stephanie, single women in midlife get accused of being too picky or demanding. Gertrude explains: “They think I’m only looking for a certain type of man, good looking with a lot of money. I am not. I value honest, friendly, and nonjudgmental people canadian goose jacket in my life. I am a professional and would like to be with a professional partner, but if I don’t feel the right vibe, all of what he is or has does not matter.” canada goose uk shop
canada goose store 5. My future is no worse than yours there are no guarantees in life canada goose store
The women I interviewed have pretty realistic perspectives on the future. Bonnie admits, “After being single for 8 years, I wonder if I will be single for the rest of my life. I don’t think so as I think I’m just entering my prime years, but I sometimes wonder.”.